The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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