What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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