Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
