Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
