so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
