im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize