I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
