Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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