Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
