yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
