Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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