Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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