You're a womanizer and a bitch.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
