My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
