upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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