I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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