My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
