not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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