My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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