Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
