I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
