Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
