I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
