Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
