You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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