Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
