is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
