Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
