guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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