then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
