Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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