My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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