I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize