Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
