Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
