The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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