In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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