the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize