god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i've created a new STD.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
