sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
