can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
