I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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