Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
