The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
