i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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