Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
