You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
