We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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