dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
