All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize